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My journey to a diagnosis
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Next Steps 2001/2002
I had had enough by now of all this... not getting any help crap and just knew in my heart that I should push for a diagnosis and knew I was being robbed of the chance to try medication that may help me, So....
G.P (Again!)
I went back to my G.P and actually cried until he referred me to a private Psychiatrist in Nottingham that I'd found, he referred me but I had to pay to see him, this was fine as I knew this man specialized in the area of Adult ADD.
I had no doubt of my own condition but with the past experience's with the NHS I had even lower self-esteem and wanted so much for a specialist to tell me what I already knew, and that i'm not going insane and do not only suffer from depression.
PRIVATE PSYCHIATRIST
My appointment arrived, I felt sick and nervous, My mum and dad took me as it's a 2 hour jouney from Grimsby to Nottingham although I can drive, I will never venture out of town! (I get road rage!) This initial appointment lasted an hour and half and cost me £200 i think? I went through telling him everything about myself as a child then as an adult, I filled in an ADD questionaire and was asked lots of different questions.
My next appointment 2 weeks later was £90 this lasted an hour or more and he asked if he could see my mum too, she had to fill in a questionaire about me, she was distraught and felt guilty as she did not pick up on my ADD when I was younger, she told the Psychiatrist I was always depressed as a child but didn't notice anything too unusual about me, (afterall she had 4 of us to cope with!)although she did say that on every school report that the teachers said I was a Day dreamer! I was highly strung as a kid and quite precotious!
The Psychiatrist (Dr K) then explained to both me and my mum that his findings were ............
I have moderate/severe inatentive ADD as well as a mood disorder (Depression) which was already diagnosed, he felt that stimulant medication would benefit my problems and said that he would write to my G.P to make him aware of my diagnosis and suggest Ritalin to be prescribed to me, he even stated the dose and asked for blood tests, liver function tests etc to be carried out.
WOW ...! Got the answers I knew and expected at last but this wasn't the end of it.....
My G.P ignored Dr K's letter and still to this day has never had the decentcy to reply to him, he did however do the blood tests etc, I went along to my G.P and asked why he didn't reply, he told me that he cannot give me stimulant medication as the drug mentioned (Ritalin) is not licenced in this country for adults, it's only for children! So I then had to go back to Dr K, another journey and £90.
Dr K, wrote me out a private perscription, I had to take it to the chemist and pay £30ish for my tablets....I must admit, once I had the tablets I was very nervous about taking them!.....Afterall, it had taken me 2 years to actually be given the chance to try them!
I took my Ritalin and didn't notice I felt any different, the dose slowly went up....I still did not feel that I had taken them, it was after the first month that I had to return to Dr K for a review of how I was getting on with taking the medication, that I realized looking back at the last month just how much different I felt! I had achieved things in the last month that I would never have done before meds! I felt happier and confident but most importantly, OTHERS noticed a significant difference in me too! At last I could read a book and enjoy it, my concentration had improved, I felt more content with life and found I was interested in things more than ever before, my head was quiet, I no longer lived in my little dozy day dreamy world!
I suppose I got too big for my boots and even enrolled on a college course to learn Psychology, I then realized just what a struggle it was for me in a class room environment, and that although Ritalin helped me with concentration I couldn't learn too well! I bit off more than I could chew so left the course half way through!
Unfortunately, I only stayed on Ritalin for about 6 months as I resented having to travel and pay for my care, my parents were paying for me to visit Dr K, and I felt bitter about this situation, that I..in my 30's am having to be taking hand outs off my wonderful parents instead of getting the help on the NHS. I came off my Ritalin and went back to the old me, at the time I didn't notice any difference but spent the next year and half in a depressed, useless, idle, bitter state. Until I got my act together again recently and starterd picking up the pieces in ...April 2005..
Scroll back to the top of this page to link....
Read ADD, as I am now.
My Journey to a diagnosis
It's really difficult to get all the facts and dates of what happened and when, but i will give you a brief outline of my journey.....
G.P (June 2000)?
I gathered some information off the internet, things like an ADD checklist and facts about how adults can be affected with ADD and highlighted that it's not just a child's condition. Not all children diagnosed when younger grow out of ADD/ADHD.
I then made an appointment with my G.P and took this info with me, this was a really big step for me and felt anxious as to weather he would understand my situation or not......He said he was unaware of this case and didn't know much about this so he referred me to the NHS Psychiatrist at the hospital ...fair enough I thought and went home thinking that i'd have to go through my whole life story again with another person, but so be it.
PSYCHIATRIST (Sept 2000?)
The appointment came for the NHS Psychiatrist, I went along to him and poured everything out about how I had found the answer to my problems in life and gave him ADD material to read, basically he told me he thought I was jumping the gun a little and that he didn't believe adults have ADD, he thought that maybe my depression is making me THINK I have ADD.....What? As if I didn't understand myself!
I carried on with the fortnightly appointments, never seeing him again but different under studies, every 2 weeks I saw someone different and was asked the usual questions of....
"Hello Rachel, how are you feeling?" to which my replies were "I'm feeling frustatred as I KNOW I have a condition and yet nobody seems to want to understand or try to help me with!" They always listened with that nod of appreciation for my troubles but always asked if I would like to change my ante-depressants that i'd been on for years! I told them over and over again that i'm sure my depression would not be as severe if my ADD was being treated but they would not listen to anything I mentioned about ADD.
I then (After 8 visits) went back to my G.P and told him, I was very unhappy with the NHS Psychiatrist and will only listen to me regarding my depression, I asked him to refer me to the NHS Psychologist as I thought this may help!? He did refer me but had to stay with the Psychiatrist appointments too.... I stopped seeing the psychiatrist when my psychologist left ..read below!
PSYCHOLOGIST (October 2000)
I went along, armed with my reading stuff for them too! feeling, anxious and like a little kid trying to be heard, I stepped into the room and met the top psychologist (Old guy) and a couple of students, I mentioned firstly that i had a little boy diagnosed with Asperger's as I thought this will help him understand that my problem could be something to look at seriously!!!...Big mistake, when I mentioned that I believe I have a condition called ADD he started shaking his head and laughed!...I sat feeling humiliated, angry and tearful as i just knew i was wasting my time.
He told me that his opinion is that Adults do not have ADD and even though my son has Asperger's, it is likely that he too could out-grow his condition !!!!!....I know my son is Asperger's and know that it does not dissapear, so with hearing such utter crap I got up and said.."I think i'm wasting your time - but most importantly, YOU are wasting mine, with talking utter nonsence and making me feel like i'm an idiot!" I stormed out, but one of the student girls followed me and told me that she would really like a chance to help, she understood where I was coming from. So the next appointment I saw her, (have never seen that man again) Her name was Claire, she had taken time out before I next saw her and did so much research for me, in order to try to help me. I carried on seeing her for 8 months, in this time, she contacted different people to see how I could go about getting an official diagnosis, she even went across to the Psychiatrist to try to get him to understand my position but he basically told her, that he'll do his job and that she should mind her own buisness and get on with her job! He told her that he was entitled to his opinion! so that was that! She also helped me with ADD issues like time management, relaxation and general talking my problems out, she was great and helped me so much, unfortunately, after this 8 months she was moving on in her work and wanted to pass me on to one of her colleges but I said I did not want to be passed on and felt that I couldn't go through everything again with someone new, so I stopped seeing the NHS Psychologists. Sad but true! I no longer went back to the NHS Psychiatrist (See Letter link) as i'd just had enough of being asked the same old...,,"How are you feeling? do you ever feel suicidal!?" I felt like saying yes i do feel like hurting myself just so someone will listen to me but I never did as I know they'd book me into the ward and maybe sedate me! To keep me calm and quiet!
After all this, I kept away from the NHS and read lots of self help books and contacted others who understood me who were already diagnosed with ADD - this condition that does not exist in my part of the country! Then I tried again after a year.
I have no good memories about this year of events, I hate having to write about it but it may be interesting for others to read? Hope ya not falling asleep!!!
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